Gardenia

Yesterday I happily accepted an invitation to a theater performance within the Zürcher Theater Spectakel (another openair thingy) on the seaside of the Zürich lake. It all started so magical, tents with food and drink, clowns and acrobats doing their numbers beside the boats rocking peacefully on the lake, guru-looking guys playing didgeridoos…I should have stayed put right there… Nononono, I went to see “Les ballets C de la B”…fecking misleading name, I tell you. (I naïvely thought at first that C from B was a pirouette trajectory…now I am afraid even to guess…:-)

I have never been so angry in my entire life - or at least for a very, VERY long time - about “the art” (and about 50 francs vanished into thin air). The worst part? Being so disappointed and feeling fooled while surrounded by excited audience and standing ovations… I wanted to get it, I really wanted to get it, but I didn’t… Till the last minute I waited that the lead “actor” would come out and say: “ye poor lads, so patient, we pulled you leg so hard for one and a half hour, here is your 50 stutz and 10 more for a beer”. But it never happened. There were STANDING ovations instead…

Here is some description from their homepage: “Inspired by the penetrating film Yo soy asi, in which the closing of a transvestite cabaret in Barcelona affords us a glimpse into the private lives of a memorable group of old artists, actress Vanessa Van Durme collected a number of transsexual and transvestite friends. She could win over directors Alain Platel and Frank Van Laecke and composer Steven Prengels for a project that can be called unique in every respect. Gardenia goes deep into the turbulent lives of nine striking people. Seven older individuals who seemingly effortlessly navigate the twilight zone between being male and being female. In contrast and harmony with a “young guy” and a “real woman”. Each on a quest and each with their own intriguing story.”

I am sorry, how could I miss “the story”? Oh, there was no story. There was no glimpse into no one’s life… Ok, there was a fierce introduction of characters in the beginning, edgy words like “fucked”, “dildo”, “knickers” jammed in one sentence made a good start…not. A bunch of hobos could have done the job (given the wigs and makeup). It was neither shocking nor fine… just plain vulgar, was that the aim? Ah, there WAS a fun part: lots of Russian talk. I dig it, ok, because I am Russian, what about the others? Why? Why?... It sounds mysterious? Yes, perhaps, but then make a good text to go with it… But there was no need for a good text: psychedelic music was rumbling, filling every cavity with nonsense and paranoia, replacing the substance. They use this trick in bad films. Good trick, but not new: Bradbury wrote about it 60 years ago.

The Guardian wrote this a few years back: "...thus began Les Ballets C de la B, now one of the most influential dance theatre companies in the world". It might, MIGHT be true, but they FORGOT to do the dancing during "Gardenia"! No, wait, there was one strip-type number during the show, but I rather go a strip club somewhere in Brugg to get the satisfaction...

God knows I am not a mean person, I am sweet and understanding (especially if no one tries to rip me off), and “arty”… But this time my little inexperienced, uneducated, uncultivated heart rebelled and I cannot stop it. Even a half of a bottle of fine Roija couldnt help me to overcome the grief (it's NOT only the money…) No more gardenias for me, next time I’ll go with…with…jeez, I am not good in gardening either.

Lots of love to everyone, even to Les ballet C de la B.

Truly yours, from A to B :-)